


Quasar Blue

by Dont_Feed_Da_Elves



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, No Slash, Outer Space, Tags, Time Travel, no beta we die like men, protect leo all the time, time travel is hard to put into words, you know what else is hard?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 09:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14808278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dont_Feed_Da_Elves/pseuds/Dont_Feed_Da_Elves
Summary: qua·sar/ˈkwāˌzär/nouna massive and extremely remote celestial object, emitting exceptionally large amounts of energy, and typically having a starlike image in a telescope. It has been suggested that quasars contain massive black holes and may represent a stage in the evolution of some galaxies





	Quasar Blue

**Author's Note:**

> This has been bothering me for ages. I wasn't a fan of the future time travel season in the 2k3 series, and I'm not overly thrilled about the first half of Season 4 for this series. But I wanted to explore Leo and time travel and space a little more. He's the one who loves space and stuff like this, and the only thing they give us is that first episode when they put on the space suits for the first time.
> 
> Why?
> 
> Leo is very... very differently portrayed this season, and I wanted to combine his lack of enthusiasm for space and his newfound seriousness and emotional outbursts. 
> 
> Also, April and Leo don't have a lot of interaction? Leo doesn't really interact very much with her or Casey? Well, let's remedy this.
> 
> Not proofread/beta'd. Have fun catching all my mistakes.
> 
> Takes place just after Cosmic Ocean.

April was waiting for Leo when he walked out of the holo-room that night, and she saw his surprise when his eyes landed on her. She was leaning back against one of the control seats, arms crossed over her chest, a commanding air around her.

He wasn’t going to get away this time.

“April,” he said, quickly smoothing his ruffled demeanor, “what are you still doing up?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” she replied, raising an eyebrow. “I figured you’d have been celebrating with the rest of us.”

Shrugging, Leo took a step to the side, that April mirrored easily. She saw Leo’s eyes widen, then narrow as he stepped sideways again, April following him closely. When she followed once more, she swore she heard a soft growl come from the blue-banded turtle that sounded more like it belonged from Raph.

“April,” Leo hissed, “stop.”

“I think we need to talk,” she said.

A shade instantly fell over his face. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I disagree.”

Leo took a step back, shrugging, and turned to walk to the giant window, gazing out at the vast abyss beyond.

“Agree to disagree, then.”

If April hadn’t been sure before (which she was, otherwise she wouldn’t be trying to have this conversation), then she was overly positive now. Leo never backed down from a fight, and he should have been over the moon with the security of the second generator piece, and all the compliments that Hidrala had given him. Yet here he was, letting April lead on, and sulking by himself with his own thoughts and memories.

“Leo,” April said softly, staying where she was. Give him some space, let him breathe a little; heaven knows he probably hadn’t had time to sit and just… decompress since this entire journey had started that last night on Earth. April shoved the stab of hurt for her father and her family and refocused on her current brother. “Talk to me.”

Leo’s shoulders slumped as he ducked his head. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he repeated.

April sighed, and she moved, standing beside him, not close enough to touch, but enough to let him know that she was  _ there _ .

As they flew across the universe, April watched the stars lights flit across Leo’s face. She remembered him telling her once that, had he been human, he might like to be an astronaut.

“We’re all really worried about you,” April said softly.

Leo shrugged, but the corners of his eyes tightened. April continued.

“You spend a little too much time in the holo-room, talking to a memory of your father. We’re in space, you should be over the moon, pun intended!”

April watched his mouth form a thin line. Her shoulders slumped. “Raph says you’re not sleeping, either.”

The turtles had all double-bunked on the ship; Raph and Leo, and Donnie and Mikey. Casey and April got their own rooms.

Raph had come to her a few days ago, before the Hidrala incident, and confessed that Leo hadn’t been sleeping. He said that the eldest turtle came in late at night, and tossed and turned in his bed until morning, rising earlier than the rest of the group.

And every morning, before breakfast, Leo was in the holo-room, talking to his memories of Master Splinter.

It was… concerning. Leo  _ loved _ space, and locking himself up to talk to a  _ memory _ should have been the last thing he was doing. He should have been looking out the window, naming stars as they passed, marveling at planets, wondering at comets and shooting stars.

But instead he was dwelling on something that was beyond his control.

“Raph needs to mind his own business,” Leo muttered.

“He’s worried,” April replied, placing a tentative hand on her friend’s shoulder; he was tense. “We’re  _ all _ worried,” she repeated.

Leo’s jaw worked, as if he was grinding his teeth. “You keep saying that,” he growled, “but I’m the last person you all should be worried about. Why can’t you all  _ understand _ that?”

“Leo…”

He shrugged her hand off violently and spun to face her, face contorted in an expression that looked foreign.

“Master Splinter is  _ dead _ ,” he exclaimed quietly. “Earth is  _ gone _ . We  _ failed _ .”

April was shocked. She didn’t know where this was coming from. She shoved the thought of her family down again, trying to keep it under control. She needed to focus on one thing at a time, and right now, Leo needed her attention. Not her father, not her aunt; they were lightyears away, and until they got the third piece of the generator, she didn’t need to worry about them. Right now, she needed to worry about her friend.

“No, it’s not,” she said, shaking her head. “Professor Honeycut gave us a second chance.”

Leo threw up his hands. “You don’t  _ get it _ ,” he hissed. “None of you  _ get it _ .”

“Then explain it to me,” April cried, desperate. She was trying, she really was, but she didn’t understand. She couldn’t figure out why Leo was so bothered, what he was thinking; he was usually hard for her to connect with; they really didn’t have much in common. They’re one-on-one interactions were few and far between, and short.

But that didn’t mean that she didn’t care about him. They were a family now, and family looked out for one another.

Leo just never let anyone look out for him.

And now it was crushing him.

“Think about it, April,” Leo said harshly. “Fugitoid showed up and gave us a second chance. We went back in time to try to save Earth. But how many times have we done that?”

April stared, the pieces starting to come together. She could see where this was headed.

“Fugitoid shows up, saves us, takes us back in time, and we try to get the generator pieces,” Leo continued, beginning to pace. “But our Earth was still destroyed; Master Splinter still dies. We didn’t stop it from happening last time, because it  _ happened _ . We time traveled back to prevent it from happening, but it still happened  _ last time _ .  _ This time _ . Which means that we  _ failed _ . If we hadn’t, Earth wouldn’t have been destroyed. Another set of us would have stopped it. Where was that other set, April?”

An endless loop of time traveling and failing.

“Maybe this time will be different,” April said, following him with concerned eyes. “Maybe this time, we succeed. Maybe  _ we’re _ that other set.”

Leo stopped a ways from her, looking like he had just swallowed something sour. It wasn’t a good look on him.

“I’m not as smart as Donnie,” he told her, “but I can do the math. There are an infinite number of timelines and realities. The odds that this time, that this loop, that this reality, is the successful one has odds that are infinity to one. Infinity, April.”

His arms, which had been waving around to emphasize his point, dropped to his side. April watched as he took a step forward and thumped his forehead against the glass, watching the stars speed by with unseeing eyes.

“In a million billion timelines, alternate realities,” he said softly, the wind from his sails, “whatever you want to call this, not  _ once _ did Earth survive. In every time, we  _ fail _ .  _ I _ fail. No matter which me it is, I can’t save Splinter and I lose the black hole generator pieces and I can’t stop the Earth from being destroyed.”

Inside her chest, April’s heart was breaking. This was not the goofy, dorky, passionate Leo that she knew. This Leo was cynical and serious, the weight of an entire planet, an entire universe, on his young shoulders.

Somewhere along the line, Leonardo had grown up without any of them realizing it.

She also felt a little bad, because while everyone had their ways of dealing things, Leo’s had always been to talk it out with Master Splinter, to release the worries he didn’t want his brothers or his friends to know, to be burdened down by, with someone would could look things at a different angle.

But Leo had said it himself; Master Splinter was gone. And with him, so was Leo’s confidant. It was no wonder that he spent so much time talking things out. He was trying to recreate that angle, get the assurance he needed, but his brothers couldn’t provide.

The entire planet was counting on them, and Leo especially, since he was their leader. His decisions shaped their entire future.

April couldn’t imagine having that kind responsibility. It was remarkable that Leo was handling it at all.

She watched Leo watch the stars, trying to figure out how to help, how to calm his mind, how to relieve some of the burdens he felt, when he spoke. It was soft, an emotion April worried about behind it.

“I never knew how many stars there were,” Leo said glancing briefly at her out of the corner of his eye.. “The city lights always made stargazing hard, and the others were never fans of it at the farmhouse. But it’s fascinating, isn’t it? An endless amount of galaxies with endless civilizations and people. Millions and billions.”

April remained silent, letting him say what he needed to, turning to look out at the vast expanse of stars. Leo continued after a moment.

“Millions and billions of lights and lives that are either beginning or ending or right in the middle of their lives.”

There was a hitch to his voice that April pretended not to hear, continuing to stare ahead, giving Leo the privacy he needed. She pushed down the lump in her throat, trying to be strong for her friend, her brother. He needed a pillar of strength, and she could be that; it was the least she could do, after all he did for her, for them, for the world.

“There were millions and billions of lives on Earth,” Leo muttered wetly. “And we couldn’t save them.”

Leo was only one turtle. He was one turtle with the lives of millions and billions counting on him, and his faith was waning.

April couldn’t take that weight away, and she didn’t think Leo would give it even if he could. But she could help him by being there, by supporting him. He had done way more for her; this was the least she could do.

So she reached out blindly, keeping her eyes on the stars and suns as they flew past, and grabbed Leo’s hand. She gave it a small squeeze, showing her solidarity.

He squeezed back, lightly, and as the two stared out at space, April pretended not to witness Leo’s collapse, just like one of the stars he loved so much.

* * *

Later, when they save Earth and watch their counterparts get in the Fugitoid’s ship and fly away while they stand there next to a very alive Master Splinter, April looks over at Leo.

“Guess you were right,” he says.

“Guess so,” she replies.

Mikey and Raph are beginning to bicker beside them, and Master Splinter sighs. “Perhaps we should continue this conversation back at home.”

“You guys go ahead,” Casey tells them. “I’ve gotta go see my dad and sister.”

April nods. “Be safe, Casey.”

Her friend flashes her a cheeky grin. “I just traveled to alien worlds, Red. I think I’m good.” He winks at her, and then hurries off.

“You gonna go see your dad?” Donnie asks her.

April thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. “I’ll catch him later,” she says. She glances at Leo, who merely blinks in surprise. She wanted to be close to Master Splinter just as much as the turtles, and her father would still be there when she went home later.

“Cool,” Donnie grins.

As they head back to the lair, splashing through the sewers, Raph and Mikey and Donnie are regaling Master Splinter with their tales, over-exaggerating and gesturing wildly. April is trailing behind a bit, watching, when she feels a three-fingered hand slip into her and give it a squeeze.

“Thanks, April,” Leo whispers to her as he passes, catching up with his father and brothers.

As her hand falls from his grip, dangling, April feels her heart warm.

Leo might have grown up before them, but she knows, that whatever this future has in store for them, that he’ll be okay.

She’ll make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing April, not too happy with how it came out.
> 
> Explaining time travel is hard. I don't get it. Damn you, David Tennant.


End file.
